I really want to be a writer, please give me your criticisms!.?

I think your writing is awesome. You should go to school for creative writing or something. I think you've reallly found your voice as an author, you write and continue to sound the same consistanly through out the story. And if I were you I would try to get this story published because you really are a good writer and don't let anyone tell you different. How old are you? Just curious. And if your worried about grammer why not just by a book from the bookstore or borrow a book at your local library. And get friends or family you trust to look over your work and see if they like it also. If you want feedback.